What a crafty little couple. Not crafty enough for the paparazzi though. And is that Reese Witherspoon driving while talking on a cellphone? Bad Reese.

(Flynet)

(WENN)

Perhaps in a former life, Shirley MacLaine was an out-of-control, messy, irresponsible young woman with absolutely no guidance from her parents and is therefore taking pity on Lindsay Lohan by not replacing her role in their upcoming film, “Poor Things.” The Oscar-winning actress made public a statement about her and the producers’ willingness to accommodate the freckled starlet, while she tries to get her act together in rehab.

In the spirit of helping Lindsay Lohan and her rehabilitation, we have been asked by Lindsay to comply with her wishes to continue working on “Poor Things.” We are trying to rearrange the shooting schedule to facilitate her working at the end of the shoot to coincide with the completion of her rehabilitation. We wish her love and the blending of mind, body and spirit.

Shirley MacLaine
Rob Hickman
Producers

Wow. That’s really nice of them. I remember back when I was going through my mental breakdown a few years ago, and I don’t remember the management at the Cracker Barrel where I was a hostess being nearly as understanding.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were Honorary Co-Chairs, along with Paul Simon, at the Children’s Health Fund 20th Anniversary Gala Dinner. This years dinner honored President Bill Clinton, along with Wyeth’s Chairman and CEO, Robert Essner, and The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company’s Executive Chairman, Christian W.E. Haub. The event featured a performance by CHF advisory board member, Marc Anthony, with a special appearance by Jennifer Lopez.

(WENN)

More photos (Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Keith Robinson, Paul Simon, Jane Pauley) from the event are after the jump.

People has bullshit quotes from Paris’ “friends” detailing how rough it is for her because she’s going to jail. I thought her and Kim Kardashian were on the outs? Anyway, they’re saying Paris feels that some of her friends have abandoned her because of her new soon-to-be convict status. I think she should just tattoo a teardrop under her eye and be done with it.

Caroline D’Amore (is she a stripper?):

“We had a little party at her house the other night so we were all around her to be there for her,” childhood friend Caroline D’Amore told PEOPLE at Wednesday’s Los Angeles opening of the flagship Diesel store on Melrose Place. D’Amore added that, at the Memorial Day barbecue hosted by pal Nicole Richie, “We all watched the first episode of the new season of The Simple Life, which was really cute.”

(Splash)

So did they just turn the volume up on the TV when Mischa Barton was rolling around, high on PCP and screaming she was dying? Did she roll into the bowl of popcorn causing them to finally call 911? Keep reading for what other friends of Paris had to say.

Linds is in rehab, and the sponsors for her much-talked about Vegas 21st birthday bash are jumping ship. Who wants to sponsor the birthday party of a self-destructive mess? We support impending death - drink up! Svedka Vodka already exited, and others are following suit.

Now other prospective partners, including Caesars Palace, the Social House restaurant at Treasure Island (in Las Vegas) and Pure nightclub, are wondering whether it makes sense for the star to head to Sin City straight out of rehab.

It is believed Lohan faces a 30-day rehab program, which would discharge her less than a week before she is due for the two-day bash in Vegas.

Pure Management, which is handling the birthday events, would not comment on whether plans are going ahead. “We think the world of Lindsay and wish her the best,” a spokeswoman said.

Supposedly, Vegas is strict for the well-known. Ashlee Simpson had to wait until 12:01 AM to hit Pure for her 21st birthday. Either that or she was waiting for her sister to once again dye her hair the color of her skin. Which is creepy. I could write some more about Lindsay, but we’re quickly running of synonyms for “mess”. There are only so many times you can write about a girl whose friends pull up at a gas station with her passed-out in the car to make sure the paps get awesome photos of her. Thanks, Samantha Ronson!

Kevin Connelly enlists super hero Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer in the fight to save the planet.

Vivienne Westwood was enjoying herself at the Hay Festival and let out a semi-secret. Her life is about to become a biopic. The English fashion designer took a large part in punk style and made use of bondage gear in fashion.

Her representative confirmed that the project is in the works, but no other details are available. My guess and the word floating through internet space is that the plot will center around her love of edgy style and Malcolm McLaren, her shop “World’s End,” and the Sex Pistols. The band played a part in the growth her safety pin and spiked dog collars style movement. Currently Gwen Stefani, Naomi Campbell, Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger are among her clientele. You also might know Vivienne’s son Joseph Corre. He is the founder of Agent Provocateur.

Season Finales are all coming to a close, but that hasn’t put a stop to theories. Heroes cast questions are popping up for season 2. Or if you are more tuned to the new shows coming check out what the Flying Spaghetti Monster is on the Reality TV Lounge.

WHAT? I don’t get it. Does her Dad own the police or something? What gives? What is happening in L.A.? If I’m famous enough, can I just off someone and skip away? Why don’t they just let her do her time at a cabana in the Bahamas or something? Paris Hilton’s cellmate has already been selected . It’s some chick in for reckless driving. This was done so she wouldn’t be put in there with someone who would give her the beatdown or try to take her picture with smuggled cellphone. What’s the point then?

Officials at the jail where Paris will do time have decided an inmate who is doing time for reckless driving will be the perfect match for Paris. Sources tell TMZ that jailers were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton’s stay. The woman is already in the cell that Paris will be in … waiting for a touch of Hilton.

Sources also tell TMZ that jailers are already conducting searches of anything electronic — they are prohibiting cameras, cellphones and the like. We’re told a memo has gone out to the staff, warning them that anyone who takes pictures of Paris will be disciplined — i.e., fired.

The report goes on to state that a “written protocol” has been written for this skank, detailing how things should be “done for her”. Yeah - solitary, bread and water, and shock treatments. Reckless driving, huh? Maybe her cellmate will mow her down in the parking lot when they both get out.

(WENN)

Which still-closeted former boy-bander was making sure nobody got pictures of him with his handsome Spanish escort at a recent European charity event? (Gatecrasher)

Which Hollywood mother’s idea of managing her daughter’s drug addiction is that she now carries the cocaine for her? (Gatecrasher)

(Mavrix)

No, it’s not Pick On Paula Day here at ASL, she’s just gotten her wacky self in the news a lot this morning. Page Six is reporting on an audio tape they received that is allegedly of a conference call between Paula and several “American Idol” PR flunkies. During the call, Paula wigs out and starts blaming everything bad in her life on her former publicist, one Howard Bragman. And sobbing. That’s one of those conference calls when you immediately call up Amazon.com and start shopping at your end to get through it.

She sobs on the tape: “I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach.” Abdul is assured by those hearing her wails, “You will be treated better starting right now.”

“I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time,”

Ranting about Bragman, who apparently didn’t appreciate her enough, the petite former pop star says: “I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover.

Keep reading for more caniption. Seriously - a time to check EBay for that vintage muffin tin or whatever.