Captain Odious was in court again yesterday to drop his demand that Dina Lohan take a drug test. Why, that’s the smartest thing he’s done in awhile. You know she’s had a face full of powder before. He claimed that his changed his mind about this after a tearful plea from his other daughter, Ali. This is boring, where’s Lindsay?

The Lohan family circus gave its latest performance in Long Island Family Court yesterday, when Michael Lohan dropped his demand that estranged wife Dina be tested for drugs before she can have contact with Lindsay’s kid sister and brother, Ally and Dakota. Michael told The Post one of the deciding factors came when Ally, 13, told him, “Daddy, I love you. I’ll love you more if you’ll drop that motion.” Later, when Michael followed Dina out of the courtroom and tried to ask her how she was, he was met by an icy silence.

Why couldn’t he have asked her this while they were in the crosswalk and the light changed? If that story’s true, Ali Lohan (at 13) is well on her way to the heights of manipulation and familial terrorism that her predecessors have achieved. Lindsay would call to say how proud she is but she’s currently on a call with Samantha Ronson, demanding that she cop to owning those pants.

Britney’s divorce attorney has asked that the details of the custody split between the former Federlines be kept secret. She says that the actual document contains schedules and locations and what not and someone could swipe the kids. Britney’s kids have asked that all details be publicized in hopes that someone stable with better haircare skills will take them. K-Fed merely said “yo shawty, you like weed?”

Attorney Laura Wasser asked the judge this afternoon to seal the child custody portion of the divorce between Spears and Kevin Federline. In her declaration, Wasser wrote that the document — which divides custody 50/50 — details the specific timeshare schedule and transportation matters. Wasser fears if the document becomes public, the media would have “a greater ability to ascertain the physical whereabouts of the minor children.”

Wasser wrote: “Such information greatly increases the chances that the actions of the media could threaten the safety of the minor children by, for example, causing a traffic accident or by exposing the minor children to criminals who might target the minor children for financial gain.” Wasser did not use the word ‘kidnapping,’ but the intimation was certainly there.

The judge okayed this, pending a hearing next month. And he also agreed to seal the child support details as well. This seems prudent, but does Britney have any money left? Judging by the clothes, it’s doubtful. Or maybe she’s being frugal about the clothes, so she has money for child support and possible kidnapping attempts? No, there’s no way she’s that rational. But in her defense, I hear she’s aces at the mechanical bull! She didn’t drop that Red Bull can once!

(WENN)

More photos of Britney, her pup, and her assistant after the jump.

(WENN)

Pete Doherty has spoken to the the Mirror about how much he wants Kate Moss back. He goes from calling her a “nasty old rag” who “kicked him in the head” to saying how much he loves “her brain”. This is gonna make one HELLUVA a movie in 2014. Calling a globally famous supermodel a “nasty old rag” is hot.

he passionately declares: “I love her with all my heart. I like the way she walks and talks. I love her bones. I love her brain.”

Pete goes on to say that Kate kicked him out because of her jealous belief that he was f*cking the girl who “lives around the corner”. Is this Sesame Street? No need to go on tour for groupies - supermodels and junkie rockers live in the same neighborhood as sluts in the U.K. There are no gated communities here. Malibu’s for pussies! Keep reading for more of Pete’s lament.

One of my favorite online boutiques, Locher’s, recently added six new accessories to their website. To check them out, just click here. And don’t forget their lovely tops, of which I have two. One, is a powder-blue top with the phrase, “No Time to F*ck” embroidered on the shoulder, along with some very lovely flowers. Another is a canary-yellow tank-top, on the back of which is lovingly embroidered, “Insatiable Little Thing.” Secretly perverted, their tops are pretty much the embodiment of all that I stand for–sensible, sturdy values, peppered with secret glimpses at my inner freak–hidden with pretty flowers.

And, from now until August 15th, ASL readers enjoy free shipping from Locher’s, when you enter in DARLING in the “coupon code/ promotional code” field at checkout.

(Splash)

The “Duff Boyfriend Watch” continues. Yeah, we know, it’s not quite as scintillating as “Britney Nervous Breakdown Part Deux, the Crazy Continues,” but still. We don’t want the other celebs to feel neglected. Hilary Duff recently copped to going on a couple of dates with Canadian hockey star, Mike Comrie, but claims that they’re not “boyfriend and girlfriend.” Comrie has taken up residence in Los Angeles, and the two have met up for “dinner a couple of times.” When asked whether or not she was expecting Comrie to be in attendance at her upcoming performance in Edmonton, she replied coyly:

“I’m not sure,” she laughs. “Maybe you’ll see him there, maybe you won’t.”

Meanwhile, Hilary’s sister, Haylie, is still not dating Brody Jenner…at least that’s what she said. Hey-OOO! Sorry, but for real, she claims that the two are just best friends. According to E!’s Hollywood Party Girl:

At last week’s Tweety boutique opening, Haylie told me she was single and that she and Brody were only buds. A week prior at a Hills barbeque, Brody insisted he and Haylie were just friends, “best friends” to be exact. Yet, a week before that in Malibu, a source very close to Brody said he was dating Haylie.

Come on, Haylie. The only thing more potentially embarrassing than having to cop to the fact that you’re boinking some guy who strikes me as being something of a potentially useless douche is pretending that you’re not in it for the sex, but that you actually bother TALKING TO HIM.

(Flynet)

Sunday night, the stars of “Stardust” hit up Paramount Studios to celebrate the open of their film. Michelle Pfeiffer plays a haggard witch in the movie, whose obsession to obtain the secret of eternal youth has her hunting down the fallen star, Claire Danes. Danes chatted with USA Today at the premiere on the subject of growing old in front of the lens in this youth-obsessed entertainment industry.

“I understand the anxiety of aging,” said Danes. “It seems like death is avoidable via Botox. And if youth means looking like Michelle Pfeiffer, who wouldn’t want to hold onto that?”

Yeah, screw aging. That’s for old people. I’m not even going to mess around with Botox. I want young, beautiful, Asian babies injected straight into my face. Actually, I’ve sort of been doing that since I was fourteen years old. It’s all about prevention.

(WENN)

Many more photos (Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, Charlie Cox, Robert DeNiro, Constance Marie, Tatum O’Neal, Kate Mara, DeDee Pfeiffer) from the premiere of “Stardust” are after the jump.

Soccer legend, Pele, is cautioning David Beckham not to allow all the trappings of his lifestyle to overshadow his commitment to playing soccer. Seemingly more concerned with maintaining his hair and tan, Beckham’s being warned by the three-time World Cup winner to shift his focus toward his game.

“David Beckham is more of a pop star than a player. From my experience with New York Cosmos, I would advise him to be very well prepared for the matches.

“I know the level of play in the league. It is well balanced, and the spectators will demand a lot from him as their star player. But when there’s no training or practice, then he can stroll through Hollywood,” added Pele.

Oh Pele. So much has changed since you’ve been playing. It’s all about abs. I’m just kidding! But seriously, how can someone possibly attempt to convince David Beckham that he should put his training before his image when he’s married to a woman whose still commonly referred to as “Posh Spice”? She’s not “Interval Training Spice.” Coincidentally, that’s actually my nickname.

(Flynet)

Even though we’ve seen then out and about together for quite some time now, Jessica Biel still refuses to engage in public displays of affection with the man singlehandedly responsible for bringing sexy back. After leaving Parc the other night together, the two tried to shake off the paparazzi by abstaining from any hand-holding. Jessica wandered off with a decoy, only to meet up moments later with Justin, who vroomed them off in his car. All I’m saying is that maybe instead of stalking them, the paparazzi could get to the heart of the problem by checking the status on their MySpace pages. DUH.

(Flynet)

The first official video from the new disc The Con!

“Access Hollywood,” currently in its eleventh season in national syndication, is an entertainment newsmagazine that provides viewers with the latest showbiz news, in-depth celebrity interviews, and behind-the-scenes accounts of the most important events in Hollywood. The newsmagazine’s continuous efforts to break new ground by giving viewers the inside stories they want to see have helped it gain substantial growth in popularity and ratings.