Is this guy on a crusade? How come he didn’t say anything before? Is there a money wish in here somewhere? Of course there is - that harpy Gloria Allred is involved. Britney Spears’‘ former bodyguard has filed a child abuse report against her. If you’ll recall, he was the one who fired for not picking up her hat. It probably had her wig in it and he didn’t want to touch that Tribble!

Former bodyguard Tony Baretto has filed an official child abuse report against Britney at the Los Angeles Department of Child and Family Services.

In the meeting he told social workers about what he had witnessed while he was employed by the star.

Speaking at a press conference, Baretto’s lawyer Gloria Allred said: “We have filed a child abuse referral,”

“It is our belief that the agency will conduct an investigation.”

There’s not a lot of details about what he claims she was doing to them. Though I would wager “neglect” could be a form of abuse. Or making them clean her ashtrays. Or using them AS ashtrays. Or running around naked in front of em’. Cause’ let’s face it, the “Oops, I Did It Again” muscle tone days sailed from this shore long, long ago.

(WENN)

Starting…now! Look at him on that golf cart. Looks to me like he’s already got a pretty good handle on this retiring thing, since as I understand it, involves lots and lots of golf. Mark Wahlberg, who went from rapper, to underwear model, to actor and now full-fledged TV mogul, as the executive producer for HBO’s highly successful series, “Entourage,” has decided that he’d like to slow down his pace coming up here pretty soon. He’d prefer to spend less time working, so that he can better dedicate himself to
his family of his girlfriend and two children.

“I figure I got a few more years to work really hard and then, you know, if I can make a movie every year and a half or something then that would be nice,” he told reporters at the press day for his latest film, We Own the Night. “I don’t want to work forever.”

Shoot, I don’t want to work PERIOD. But, unfortunately, I don’t display adequate trophy wife attributes (both my breasts and nose remain surgically unaltered) and have yet to meet a professional athlete whom I can trick into unknowingly getting me pregnant. Sigh. What’s a girl to do?

(Splash)

More photos of Mark Wahlberg enjoying his favorite pastime are after the jump.

With all the new shows debuting in the last two weeks, you probably didn’t have a chance to watch them all. Recapist did. If you’re not sure which of the new shows you should commit to, or if you missed the premiere episode, why not read a recap of the latest episode to see if the show is worth your while.

- Aliens in America
- Big Shots
- Bionic Woman
- Cane
- Chuck
- Dirty Sexy Money
- Gossip Girl
- Journeyman
- K-Ville
- Moonlight
- Pushing Daisies
- Reaper

Enter to win a pair of VIP Tickets provided by Boost Mobile to the Detour music fest.

What: LA Weekly Detour Music Fest
When: Sunday, October 6, 2007
Who: Satellite Party, The Ravonettes, Celebrity Skin, Cool Kids, and many more artists.
Where: Downtown LA

Send an email to asl.contest@gmail.com with LA Weekly’s Detour Fest in the subject line by tonight (Thursday, October 4, 2007) at midnight ET.

Make sure you check out Buzznet’s coverage of the LA Weekly Detour Festival. This is the place to go to check out all the photos and videos from the festival.

Check it out, Old Hollywood decided to step out onto the red carpet to help celebrate the 40th anniversary of the American Film Institute’s existence. At the event last night at the Arc-light Hollywood theater, eleven classic films were screened and presented by the stars who helped make them famous. Jack Nicholson presented for “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” Billy Crystal and Rob Reiner for “When Harry Met Sally…,” Kirk Douglas for “Spartacus,” and George Lucas for “Star Wars - Episode IV: A New Hope,” among others. George seemed pleased to be on hand for the event.

“I cannot think of another event when movie makers and movie lovers have come together in such a spectacular fashion.”

I love that Angela Lansbury was there. I used to LOVE me some “Murder She Wrote.” Although, after a while, I started wonder if she didn’t realize that every time she went on vacation, someone died. I couldn’t understand how no one put two and two together and realized that she was the common denominator in all of the murders, that little bicycle-riding minx.

Check out more photos from the red carpet after the jump!

I love that there is not a single individual somehow involved with the media circus that is and was Anna Nicole Smith’s life who looks boring and normal. Look at this woman–this Rita Cosby of whom we speak. She was clearly born to write unauthorized biographies. Authorized biographers don’t wear crazy jackets like that. Well, it’s finally catching up with her, now that she’s been served with legal papers as she walked in to a book signing of hers in Manhattan last night. The suit is in regards to Howard K. Stern’s alleging that she has committed libel in her book about Anna, “Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death.” Us Weekly got this quote from Rita, shortly after she’d been handed the papers.

“What crossed my mind…they knew I was walking into a big book party. It just shows you that with these guys it’s all just smoke and mirrors. It’s all PR and spin. And that’s what I write about in my book. So I’m not surprised that they used this opportunity. This is par for the course for these characters.”

Yay! Everybody’s all riled up! I love when that happens. Apparently, Howard K. and Larry Birkhead are both pissed that Cosby has said that the two of them were lovers and were conspiring to split up Anna’s baby and estate after her death. They don’t seem to care that it makes them seem way more interesting than they actually are.

(WENN)

Young, talented and now single, Nick Cannon and his fiancee, Selita Ebanks, have decided to ix-nay their engagement. Ebanks, a Victoria’s Secret model, had this information conveyed to People magazine via her mouthpiece.

“Selita and Nick are taking a break to focus on their careers but still very much love each other and remain the best of friends,” says her rep, Melissa Raubvogel.

Man, I have to say that Nick Cannon seems like quite a catch. He’s like a TV mogul in the making, already producing a number of shows, not to mention the success he’s experienced in his acting career. If I didn’t know that I’d have to compete with the memory of a friggin’ VICTORIA’S SECRET MODEL, I might try to slide in there to comfort him. Hey, I don’t want to have to be bloggin’ till I’m sixty, guys.

(WENN)

By J. Harvey

Previously - Heather was ostracized, Lisa was criticized, Kimberly doesn’t want to be clung to by people with autism (Heather) and there’s no smoking in this model house, please.

Girls practice walks on the veranda. Bianca is doing something with her magenta bangs, in which she has them sort of smoothed out and affixed to her forehead. It looks like she was just given birth to. Bianca advices Kimberly Don’t Cling To Me about watching her butt when she walks. Kimberly interviews that she’s from a small town in Florida that is all “churches and horse crap”. So it’s oppressive and smelly. She thinks she has what it takes to be a model and is all perky and “I can do it”. Better she be a failed model than any kind of human services worker or therapist or whatever. Because she was unimpressive in the compassion category last week.

Bianca is the snake in the grass, and interviews that she purposely gave Kimberly “bad tips” on her walk so she’ll fail. HAH! I like how she’s playing like it’s “Survivor” with even less food provided.

More America’s Next Top Model, after the jump.

Here’s childless Oreo Double Stuff off on a burrito run or something. She keeps running around, checking into hotels, and tanning. GO HOME. STAY AT HOME. Stop working out your mentality for every camera that turns your way. Your single is doing well. Focus. If you want to get the kids back, stop being a douche nozzle. Get it together, chica! And check this out. It’s not just chubby bloggers giving her advice. Even crackheads are stepping up! Crackhead and “Rescue Me” star Tatum O’Neil has some advice for Britney Spears.

“I relate to her and feel really sad for her,” O’Neal said, adding that she had similar experiences as a young mother. “I did everything … that she doesn’t want to do. I did the drug testing. … It was very humbling. … I wanted those kids in my life.”

Spears needs treatment and she needs to shield her children from media attention, O’Neal said.

This bitch lost her kids with John McEnroe because she couldn’t get off the pipe. Granted, Britney doesn’t seem to be on the crack. My guess is she needs to be ON some pills to get her shit together. But her drugs of choice seem to be cigarettes, caffeine, snacks, sex (both genders) and maybe the occasional toot of powder. In other Britney news, Alli Sims hasn’t left her just yet. She needs to stick around to subtly goad her towards oblivion some more. I don’t trust that one.

(Flynet)

More photos of Britney Spears and her Blackberry after the jump.

Larry Birkhead is close to signing a deal to bring a reality show about being a single Dad of a dead mess’ baby to the TV screen. He already got 1.7 million for pictures of this little kid, how much more does Redken cost?

“I don’t want to give away something yet,” Birkhead told us yesterday. “It’s basically the ‘day in the life of daddy duties.’

“The truth is, people came to me with pitches, and I haven’t accepted anything. It’s something they continue to talk to me about. It’s multiple networks. I’m listening to what they have to say. I turned down [”Celebrity Rap Superstar”].

Can I interrupt to say that I won’t be watching “Celebrity Rap Superstar” even if they get Lil’ Kim to host it? God, much too much. They’ll put any old shit on TV nowadays. The only way I’m going to watch is if Remy Ma gets to pull a gun out of her bag and shoot the losers. End digression. Birkhead was also asked about reports that he didn’t deposit all the money from “OK!” into Danni’s account like he said he would. He basically said mine your P’s and Q’s, bitches. And probably ran his fingers through his sassy cut, and gorgeous highlights.

(WENN)