By J. Harvey

When last we left off, Jaslene had scored a victory for deaf transsexuals everywhere. She went on to grace the cover of “Latina” magazine and talk endlessly about how her boyfriend used to beat her ass. Probably because he discovered her appendage. Tyra opens the season by asking what beauty means to us. Do we like it edgy and bizarre or safe and predictable? To me, beauty is a crazed bitch with sob stories in my living room competing to star in eleven or so cover girl commercials and to maybe make the front of Family Circle in the next five years. Tyra’s mission is to expand what beauty is and discuss what makes a model and to open up the world of fashion to young women everywhere. It’s not to make money and promote her talk show. What is she - shallow?

Footage from various auditions is shown. Tyra calls a bunch of girls to announce that they won but it looks more like she’s taping a pre-recorded message. The editors stopped trying to finesse this shit about three cycles back. Some of these girls….I don’t know. I know models are supposed to have that quality of beauty that’s unusual but some of these chicks look like the initial judges might have gone a little overboard in that direction. They’re taking the first 33 girls to the Caribbean this year. Damn. L.A. must have had enough. Mila, 20, is from Boston. Red Sox Nation, represent! The girls are all up on a bus and told to put blindfolds on. This could be some serious sex trafficking shit. The girls have to stumble around in high heels and blindfolds and I’m waiting for several greaseballs to come out to start the snuff film. Run, bitches! Jessica, 23, tells us everything is “shrouded in mystery” and describes how everyone was trying to walk while blind. If that blind chick from several cycles back could do it, so can you!

Keep reading after the jump for more America’s Next Top Model.

Related Stories

• America’s Next Top Model: Pigpile On The Mail-Order Bride!
• Deaf Trannie Wins
• America’s Next Top Model: I Think It Was Benny Ninja, In The Old Navy, With The Stopwatch
• America’s Next Top Model: This One’s For Bonnie
• LOOK OF THE DAY: Tyra Banks
• NY fashion runways lack black and Asian models
• Tyra Banks Not Leaving Your TV Anytime Soon
• SIGHTINGS
• 06/28: The Spice Girls and Daily Hot Shots
• Back to School Beauty: Easing Your Way into Fall.