Previously - Yeah, yeah. This recap is as late as my period. Baby’s on the way! But I promised there would be a recap, and damnit - I keep my promises! We’re down to three - a mail-order bride, an old bitch, and a deaf drag queen. It’s like the Canterbury Tales but with fierce!

Our three finalists roll up and Mr. Jay asks in his orange way, “do you know what day it is?” The girls look hesitant, as if it might be beating day. No, it’s time for their Cover Girl commercial shoot! Mr. Jay stands off-center as if he might get his own credits or a caption as to who he is. All they really have to do is superimpose an orange over that space. That about sums it up. A small orange. Renee tells us that she’s been practicing to be a Cover Girl since she was a little girl, and trying to perfect the look. I’m sure this took place in a homeless shelter on a beach with a baby present

Caridee’s present to coach the girls through this. She’s in a dress made of tatters, but she still looks hot. I’ve always liked this one, because she’s seems very I don’t give a f*ck. Plus, she had a problem with eczema. So did my little brother, and I know it’s all about heartbreak with eczema. F*ck psoriasis. The girls are hawking True Shine Lip Color. The CoverGirl rep guy is hot, but then he speaks and reveals why he’s working for a women’s cosmetics company.

More of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 8 after the jump.

Written by J. Harvey

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