On today's Friday edition of Cable Quotables, Intern Wendy unearths another round of unintentionally comedic gems and reminds us exactly why it is we're (not) paying her. And, as usual, we've come away from this whole process learning a little something. Like the number of elementary school beatings Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller endured, Joe Scarborough's innermost longings and Nancy Grace's new fad diet.

• “I was the dopiest kid in the world, and you were probably just a cut above me and you know it.” Bill O’Reilly, challenging Dennis Miller to an "Uncoolness Contest," The O’Reilly Factor, May 9

• “If there's one thing I hate more than a terrorist, it's a whiny terrorist.” Dennis Miller, who wants only “perky” Jihadists, The O’Reilly Factor, May 9

• “He shot a man.” Tucker Carlson, on how Dick Cheney is like 50 Cent, Tucker, May 9

• “Yes, boy, I was concerned about her taking off her clothes in public.” Joe Scarborough, who would rather Lindsay Lohan offered to strip for him in private, Scarborough Country, May 9

• “I'm especially interested in the food aspect. Why is the food terrible?” Nancy Grace, contemplating embarking on Paris Hilton’s prison diet, Nancy Grace, May 9

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