Better than she does.

(Flynet)

Oh Britney. The editors critiques are after the jump.

(INF)

Burrito Bowl was told by the courts to get her parenting act together and that she is going to be tested for drugs and alcohol twice weekly. Her response? Go out clubbing. Why didn’t she just make a chopping motion with her hands on either side of her crotch in front of the courthouse and scream “judges can suck it”? Crazy or stupid or doesn’t want those pesky kids cramping her skank game? You decide.

TMZ caught the unstoppable mother of two at both Winston’s and Hyde last night, where the popwreck was engulfed by paparazzi hoping to get a shot of the hot mess. She was all smiles when she left the first club, but quickly put on her sad face when paps started fighting outside her car.

Her party train then moved to Hyde, where the usually dead club saw a resurgence of paparazzi attention, thanks to Brit Brit. She was again swarmed on her way out, as photogs tried to ask about her kids.

(Flynet)

Well, yeah it’s a legitimate question. Keep reading for news on Britney’s newest lawyer (plus more photos). You know she’s had three this week, right? Who the hell wants a botched weave loudly demanding that Twizzlers are included in the child custody agreement coming at them?

(Flynet)

This photo brings me back. Remember when they were too carny-looking people in love? A judge has ruled that the current 50/50 custody agreement between Brit and K-Fed will stand for now. But Brit has to get drug-tested twice a week. The judge feels that Brit has a substance abuse problem. I blame the Lays company.

The judge in the Britney Spears custody battle found that “there is a habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol by (Britney).” The judge has ordered Britney “to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol.” Testing will be conducted randomly twice a week.

The documents underscore the bitterness in the custody battle. Judge Scott Gordon ruled that “Each party is restrained from making derogatory remarks about the other party and the other party’s family or significant other…”

Redneck One and Two were also ordered to “engage in joint co-parenting counseling”. Howabout a beginner’s parenting class for starters? Well, K-Fed probably knows how to watch a kid, he has 13,000 via Shar Jackson’s portal of life. But Britney is using her children as wig models! And has taught them how to light her cigarettes for her! She’s gone about it all kinds of wrong.

(WENN)

After losing her lawyer, Laura Wasser, during her very crucial court custody case, Britney Spears was dealt another very resounding blow when her manager Jeff Kwatinetz of The Firm, dropped her as a client only hours after Wasser’s departure. Ouch. From People magazine:

“It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears,” her management company The Firm said in the statement. “We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best.”

Lord have mercy. With her family avoiding her because of her strange outbursts, practically her entire staff having to testify in her custody trial and now this, Britney is going to lose her mind. People, hide the umbrellas and razors. I think I hear Hurricane Britney on the horizon.

We have just learned that Britney Spears will be temporarily relinquishing custody rights of her two sons. She will be ordered to turn over Sean Preston and Jayden James to her ex-husband, Kevin Federline as a result of testimony made against the pop star, alleging reports of “nudity, drug use and safety issues post-rehab,” made by her bodyguard, Tony Barretto. Barretto has been described as the “secret witness” in Britney’s custody case and was fired in May, shortly after being hired after her stint in rehab because, according to his lawyer, Gloria Allred, “He did not hear her when he was asked to pick up her hat.”

And the saga continues…

Check out the video of lawyer Gloria Alered doing some self promotion on You Tube regarding the custody case.

Britney Spears is not in a happy place right now. The pop star has been feeling like a social pariah lately, having had been told by the staff at the exclusive Hollywood hot spot, the Chateau Marmont, that she is no longer welcome. After exhibiting some bizarre behavior, like smearing food on her face in the hotel’s restaurant, she’s been put on a special list of people no longer to visit the Chateau.

“She constantly looked out of it when she came in and the guests began to make noises. The hotel acted before she made a huge scene. No one wants to be banned from staying at the Chateau.

“If she was trying to make a real go of her comeback then the people who visit the Chateau are the ones who could make it happen.”

But probably even more painful for Britney is the treatment she’s receiving from her family. She felt very excluded last week, when her sister Jamie-Lynn and Mama Spears attended a birthday party for son Jayden, hosted by K-Fed. From News of the World:

“She feels she is being sidelined by her family. And she won’t let that happen.”

And it couldn’t come at a worse time for Brit, with her basically in the eye of the hurricane that is her custody battle. All sorts of nonsense is going on with that, which you can check out after the jump…

Britney Spears exited her house full of shame post-VMAs yesterday. She made her way to the lawyer’s office to go head to head with K-Fed over the kid situation. Can’t K-Fed just call up YouTube on his laptop, show her performance and say “so I get em’ full time, right?” This meeting was on lil’ JJ’s birthday, and unscheduled. Both and Brit and K-Fed are due in family court on Monday. Lil’ JJ was left at home to play with Mommy’s unemptied ashtray so don’t worry, he had a nice birthday. Maybe one of the butts was still smoking and he pretended it was a birthday candle.

The meeting was Spears’s idea according to a source close to her. “Britney asked for [the meeting]. She wants to put an end to this public debacle,” says the Spears source. “However, Kevin [has] refused. He needs more money so he’s determined to win this.”

Court documents released Aug. 30 show that Spears’s income is $737,868 a month and that Ferderline receives $20,000 a month in spousal support but has no “net income after business expenses.”

Get a job, sucka! A source close to K-Fed (probably K-Fed) says that this pressing for more custody isn’t a financial self-interest issue. Sure it isn’t. Those kids might as well be named “Cash” and “Check”! When the source (probably K-Fed) was asked if Brit was going to settle, the reply was “she might settle, she’s got stage fright”). He should write for this site. I’ve never written anything that funny.

(Splash)

Thoughts?

Ken Paves is Jessica Simpson’s hair Yoda. Yeah, it’s his fault. Anyway, he was brought in to try to make Britney look somewhat presentable. She was difficult and didn’t trust a hair queen to do her right. Another sign of dementia. Anyway, he split. You’re shut off, Brit!

Weeks before the awards show, “Britney had requested his two female assistants [to do her extensions] since she prefers women around her,” and was disappointed when Paves himself arrived, says a Spears source. The stylist soon left, taking his hair with him.

“He bailed,” says the source. Says Paves’s rep: “Ken made the professional decision not to do her hair for the VMAs.”

God, weavemasters have reps! She made a bad, bad decision. Once the head weavemaster puts you on the list, the rest follow suit. She’s going to have to trot her crazy ass down to Fantastic Sam’s! Brit didn’t think much of her look. Keep reading.