Heidi Klum is making her triumphant return to television….on QVC. Nevermind that circus, what about “Runway”? How long do I have to wait? Why must you torture me, you Germanic ice bitch? Have Seal mind the kids and get on the stick! I need some fashion drama and Tim Gunn’s show ain’t cuttin’ it. Veronica Webb is a poor stand-in for your humorously foreign lady blunt ass.

Heidi Klum is returning to QVC to celebrate the one-year anniversary of The Heidi Klum Collection, her signature jewelry line, created especially for QVC. During the Oct. 1 broadcast at 11 p.m. ET, the supermodel-turned-designer will unveil new additions to her jewelry line.

Unless there are mentally unbalanced fashion students involved in making this jewelry, and they’re cussing each other out, and throwing fits, and getting sniped at by Nina Garcia and Michael Kors, this is dead to me. The absence of “Project Runway” is like when your best friend goes to summer camp and you’re just left sitting around, making friendship bracelets out of gimp for no one and masturbating. It’s just leaves you cold. Bravo, can you hear me?

(WENN)

More photos of Heidi Klum hawking her jewelry in Germany after the jump.

OK, can I just start this post off by saying that I have no idea how Heidi Klum stays so thin and trim after constantly having babies because from all of the pictures we see of her eating at restaurants and here, grocery shopping, it’s clear that this woman is not scared of some food? I need to read somewhere quickly that she endures a grueling work-out regime, in order to feel better about myself. At least I do know that she’s a dedicated mom and has decided to no longer accept any jobs that would take her outside of her home in Los Angeles in order to be available for her children.

“Earlier, it was all about me. Now it’s about the children.

I try to stay in one place and make everyone come to me. Like my agent called and said he had a job in Australia that’s really good money. But I don’t care. I have to make a rhythm for my children here in LA.”

Ah, the “it’s about me” phase. That’s so where I am right now in my life. For those of you who are still there with me, it feels good, doesn’t it? For the rest of you, sorry suckas! Yeah, it will catch up with us eventually, but for now, it’s awesome! Now excuse me, while I go blow two weeks’ pay on some silly gadget from the Apple store…

(Flynet)

More photos of Heidi Klum at Whole Foods in West Hollywood after the jump.

Posh and Becks, recent L.A. transplants, won’t find Heidi Klum showing up at their doorstep with a welcoming smile and casserole in hand. The Victoria’s Secret stunner is reportedly fed up all of the traffic in the neighborhood caused by the media attention surrounding the Beckham estate in Beverly Hills. Klum was on the Tonight Show With Jay Leno recently, and spilled to Jay on the subject.

“There is a paparazzi festival down the street from us now. You couldn’t even drive by because they were hanging out, waiting for them to leave their house. It’s kind of a pain.

“It’s rough - but it’s rougher for them than it is for us.”

I really, really wish that I lived in a fantasy world where Heidi Klum has finally had enough, walks over to the Beckhams house and tells them, “You’re OUT! Auf Wiedersehen,” smartly turns on her heel and leaves. Oh wait, I kind of do. It’s called Hollywood.

More Photos of Heidi and Her Giant Shopping Bags After the Jump

Klum has become an accessory extraordinaire. While donning the jewelry she has created for Mouawad she tells Life and Style magazine about the rocks that she’s got. A yellow, white and gold necklace sits on her collar bones. The price tag for Heidi’s creation is a mere $17,290. The same price tag for an affordable car. Or if you are light on cash, you can treat yourself to the $4,750 bracelet inspired by the cathedral in Italy.

Klum has created a line of jewelry for the humble and average Joe on QVC. Knockoffs are also popping up everywhere. The signature clover motif can be seen department stores jewelry counters. Further personal style advice from the model mother is in the latest issue of Life and Style. The “Project Runway” host will be launching her QVC line August 7th.

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First it was Jordache who dumped Elizabeth Hurley from it’s fashion jeans ad campaign. (She was replaced by German supermodel Heidi Klum) Now UK fashion label Monsoon has dumped Hurley (42) from her £1 million contract.Monsoon cited poor sales as the reason, although that may be true in part as the rumors are they […]

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OK OK…it is not the fairest of polls considering Victoria is dressed up and Heidi is dressed down.No matter what they are wearing, they are carrying the most coveted Hermes Ostrich Birkin in pink which cost £10,000.Bag Snob has bag envy and Purse Page was blown away by her ensemble.Posh was gorgeous in pink at […]

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who wore it better?

As if being a supermodel weren’t enough, now Victoria’s Secret angel Heidi Klum can now boast that she is a three-time Emmy nominee. The list of reasons why she’s better than me just continues to grow. Damn her. Her reality show on Bravo, “Project Runway,” is up for an award for the third time. And the big question, of course, is what she’s going to wear. From Usmagazine.com:

“The very first time I got nominated, I asked the winner of the first season, Jay McCarroll, to design something. He had all these great ideas, and then designed something that was absolutely not appropriate. It was not an evening-red carpet thing for the Emmys–it was like an MTV/Halloween costume! I could not have gone that way. At the end of the day, I said no…He got upset.”

I’m really hoping there’s drama this time as well. Why? Because my life is dull. I need to live vicariously through the trials and tribulations of reality television stars to avoid examining my own problems. (*Nervous laughter*) Everything’s fine! I’m fine! Sigh.

(Flynet)

Here’s the Heidi Klum/Seal family out for a stroll in the West Village in NYC. It’s nice to see two people who get along so well, and have a gaggle of children to celebrate their love with them. If only he’d get that damn headset out of his ear. I’m sorry, no one is that important that they need to transform themselves into C-3PO.

(Flynet)

Last night, celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez, Heidi Klum & hubby Seal, Tina Knowles, Kim Kardashian, Pharrell, Baby, Fabolous and Cassie attended the launch of Lorraine Schwartz’s Monkey Diamond Collection at the Monkey Bar in NYC. Schwatz’s Diamond Monkey Collection is quite unique; it features 8-karat gold and blackened-gold handmade monkey figure designs which are based on the mantra of “See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.”

(Splash)

Many more photos (Jennifer Lopez, Janice Combs, Jonathan Chabon, Lizzie Grubman, Seal, Heidi Klum, Cassie, Kim Kardashian, Ashanti, Rachel Roy, Pharrell Williams, Fabolous, Tina Knowles) from the Diamond Monkey Collection launch party are after the jump.