The smile on her face tells one story, but her legs tell a much different story. First of all, Jessica could have opted to wear pants to avoid this whole debacle–and by debacle, I’m referring to this blog post, of course–which, quite frankly, it looks to me like she should be wearing, mysterious bruises or not. Barring the fact that she looks so ridiculous in such a short blouse, it almost as if she’s decided to showcase her strange bruises that are either the result of being beaten for refusing to wipe that ridiculous and inexplicable smile off her face, or if it’s simply the result of some uneven tanning. With goofy Jessica Simpson, anything is possible. It could be as simple as pantsless Friday, which is enough to put a smile on anyone’s face.

(Splash)

The brick-and-mortar Dari boutique is located in Studio City, Los Angeles, so it has seen its fair share of celebs. The list of past shoppers goes a little something like this: Jessica Simpson, SJP, the Olsens, Rachel Bilson…to give you an idea. Needless to say, it’s a hotspot for upping your celebrity style […]

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Toast. Beige. Plain. Formica. Balsa wood. Stop. Stop whatever you’re doing here. Re-making “Police Academy” or “Private Benjamin” or “Sorority Girls In The Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama”. Go take some classes. Discover your worth as a woman. Look deep inside. Stop allowing your father to flirt with you. Find the Amazon within. Go look at some art. Stop dating greasy homosexual musicans. Take a walk in the woods. Keep a journal but don’t use hearts for “i’s”. Don’t speak for a very, very long time.

(Flynet)

More photos of Jessica Simpson on the set of “Major Movie Star” are after the jump.

The VMAs momentarily stole some thunder from New York’s Fashion Week over the weekend, but from the looks of the attendees of Roberta Cavalli’s fete during the week of festivities, he didn’t do too shabby. The Simpson sisters, Ashlee and Jess, both showed up looking blonde and surgically-altered. Jennifer Lopez made an appearance in what I believe is an homage to “Dynasty,” and appears to be blowing us angry kisses of Latin love, which I’ve also been known to do on occasion. Nicky Hilton was simply…there. She seems harmless enough, but just kind of forgettable. Mena Suvari showed up, really owning her super-short haircut that has grown in since she shaved her head for an movie role and I have to say that between her ballsy do and Rihanna’s sleek bob, I’m kind of feeling like I need a haircut to jazz things up a bit here behind the scenes. And I can’t tell you how much I love Petra Nemcova’s black mini-dress with the flapper-like fringe, except that I could never wear such a dress, since I know from my addiction to lamp shades edged with fringe that I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off myself.

Many more photos (Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez, Ashlee Simpson, Mena Suvari, Victoria Silvstedt, Deborah Cox, Nicky Hilton, Petra Nemcova, Jane Krakowski, Tinsley Mortimer, Michelle Tractenberg) from the Roberto Cavalli opening after the jump.

Just Cavalli New York Flagship Opening, New YorkI may have liked Jennifer Lopez’ outfit here if she had lost the hat.Simple, yet gorgeous. I love that Diane Kruger did not accessorize this dress, as it did not need it.Beautiful colour on her.I am loving Mary J Blige’s new do. I am glad […]

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Jessica Simpson is getting a little too big for her whore pants, and took over the entire balcony at a “W” magazine party. It was for Fashion Week, and it was really hot and fashionistas were sweating and hating on her ass.

The party — which was honoring Simpson’s new stylist Britt Bardo — was extremely hot and guests kept retreating to the balcony to cool off and get some fresh air. But after Simpson arrived, publicists cleared out the entire patio for the singer and her posse, angering the crowd and causing most of the guests to leave.

“It was so hot and she got the whole thing just for herself? I am livid,” one eyewitness told Us.

Oh, you know that was some uptight fashion district bizzatch who was sweating in her asymetical crushed velvet dress while Daisy Duke cooled in the breeze. Jessica was reported to be dancing with that queen she hangs out with and having a fine old time. Someone should have pushed her. I’m not sure what she does anymore except look beat to hell. No one wants to see her movies, they don’t buy her albums and her daddy is creepy. I say cash it in. What the hell was she doing at fashion week anyway? A constantly open yap and a new wig are not fashion!

(WENN)

More photos of Jessica Simpson on the red carpet are after the jump.

Jessica Simpson decided to serenade patrons at the Olive Street Bistro in Shreveport, Louisiana recently, while staying in the area during the filming of her upcoming movie, “Major Movie Star.” She apparently took over the mic while a dishwasher for the restaurant starting playing some tunes like “Desperado” and “Midnight Train to Georgia.” The manager of the restaurant, Fernando Maldonado was so elated at the spur of the moment performance that he offered the pop star a regular spot.

“It was so fantastic. Jessica is welcome back here any time.”

Ugh. I feel like that would be really annoying if I were eating. The only thing that probably annoys me more than people smoking around me when I’m eating is when they’re impromptu singing.

(Flynet)

More of a sucking Jessica Simpson after the jump.

This dude is such a creepshow. It was creepy enough when you just thought he was a closted queen in lust with his daughter’s then husband. But then he flipped the script and revealed himself to be way too into his daughter’s lives. And a little too admiring of their bodies. *shiver* Joe Simpson has revealed that Jessica was offered the role of a porn star but he turned it down. Does she get a say? Probably not. She’s still figuring out how to work lollipops and trying to remember her phone number.

“The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star,” Jessica’s father and manager, Joe Simpson, told PEOPLE at Thursday’s ABC Television Critics Association party in Beverly Hills.

“We were promised we would win an Oscar with that,” says Simpson, 49. “I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’ ”

“Our clothes”? In his mind, he is so inside her. 24-7. I bet this role was the Jenna Jameson movie. Jenna’s been shopping her autobiography around Hollywood and trying to get a big-name star to play her. This role could be a breakthrough for Jessica. Who in the hell wouldn’t go see that flick? Take it! She can’t act but the straight guys might get to see her ta-ta’s and the gays and women could get drunk at Chile’s beforehand and have themselves a merry old time.

(Flynet)

That girl’s daddy sure did a number on his eldest. Jessica Simpson is putting on a brave face these days, leaving a painful break-up from John “I’m So Sensitive, Please Let Me Touch Your Boobs” Mayer behind her, as well as a film on the horizon that’s been plagued with problems even before its release. And when she recently chatted with Harper’s Bazaar and posed for the cover, she revealed that her fashion choices are very much male-driven.

“I dress for men. I dress for men and myself. If I’m dressing for men, then I know it’s good for myself!”

Oh Jess. Girl. I used to really enjoy her on “Newlyweds” back when she seemed flighty, but sweet and she and Nick did genuinely appear to be in love. But, I have this sneaking suspicion that growing up and receiving praise from her father over and over again for having such bounteous cleavage might have warped her…just a little.

Check out more interview quotes after the jump…

Jessica Simpson may dress casually when traveling, but her dog Daisy knows how to jet-set in style. The starlet’s pooch is one canine diva in this sophisticated Louis Vuitton monogrammed dog carrier, while Jessica herself is carrying a roomy caramel brown leather purse. Designer dog carriers are basically de rigeur for celebrity dog owners, and […]

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