(Flynet)

Check out a few close-up shots along with what the editors have to say about Madonna’s fashion choices after the jump.

Man, does he look beaten down or what? It was bad enough when she was forcing him to direct her vanity projects. Now she’s dragging him to Israel so she can proclaim to the world that she’s a Jewish American Princess. And is that….is that Dawson? What the hell? Dawson’s into the Kaballah? It’s not helping with the post-Creek career, unfortunately. And where’s Demi? I see Ashton, he’s got that intense concentration look that’s very painful for him to maintain. But where’s the wife? Does Tel Aviv have incredibly expensive plastic surgery procedures?

Madonna toasted the Jewish new year with Israeli President Shimon Peres and declared herself an “ambassador for Judaism,” local newspapers reported Sunday.

The singer, who is not Jewish, arrived in Israel Wednesday on the eve of Jewish new year to attend a conference on Kabbalah or Jewish mysticism.

Rosie O’Donnell and Donna Karan were also up in the synagogue. Madonna allegedly told President Peres that all she hears from Hollywood celebs is how popular the Book of Splendor [the guiding text of Kabbalah] is. Really? Not coke and hookers? Well, she looks weirdly happy. And not in her usual condescending ice queen way. I guess this is her thing. It ain’t her husband’s, though. All he wants is a pint and enough about this bloody Jewish magic mess.

(WENN)

More photos of Madonna and Guy Ritchie in Israel after the jump.

(Big Pictures)

Just because Madge is all prim and proper these days in public doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still appreciate a little raunchiness in the bedroom. Madonna was recently seen with hubby, Guy Ritchie, leaving the Claridge’s Hotel in London toting a very interesting purchase. The Material Girl was carrying a see-through shopping bag containing a box containing a “Purple Penetrator”–which I’m guessing is either a sex-toy, or a playful name for a torture device. This picture pretty much looks like it says it all, with Madonna wearing a mysterious smile as she carries her brand-new strap-on, and Guy trailing behind her, looking a little bit like he’s not yet sold on the idea but is willing to try anything to keep the peace. I have a feeling it’s less painful than trying to win an argument with her.

Madonna was supposed to stretch her old bones across the cover of “Fashion Rocks”, a music and fashion supplement that uber-publisher Conde Nast puts out every year. She blew off Anna Wintour at the last minute and icy editrix lady wasn’t thrilled. I’m sure Madonna barely blinked over this decision. Is anyone else concerned that Guy Ritchie is losing his hotness? I know this post is about Madge pissing off Anna Wintour, but Guy looks a little tired here. He used to look like a hefty scoundrel with a killer grin. Is she leeching the soul out of him? Anyway, J.Lo stepped in at the last minute. Funny, her husband looks drained as well. Does Conde Nast only put succubi on their covers?

Fashion Rocks is part of a corporate ad-sales program that also includes a televised concert, set for this Friday. Lopez will perform, along with Usher, Aerosmith, Maroon 5 and others. “The cover is always a performer from the show,” says a Conde spokeswoman. “Madonna was never confirmed for the show; hence she was not in consideration for the cover.”

But my source says Wintour was not expecting a rebuff: “Anna was a little peeved, to say the least.”

Sources say that Madonna is one of the few ladies in the galaxy who can piss off Wintour, and not give one. Madonna can have her put down like a surly poodle, so Anna better watch her bob.

(WENN)

Elton John is a menstrual bitch. He’s always squawking about something, and seems really chafed all the time. I don’t know what’s up his ass. It might be he’s not getting something up there, hence the cranky. We feel for his husband, the poor bastard. Anyway, awhile back, Elton made some catty comments about Madge and insinuated that she lip-synchs all the time and generally sucks. Well, duh. They buried the nail file last night at the GQ Awards. I know why Madge was there, her peepee is longer than mine - but why Ms. John? That’s no man.

Introducing the Madonna at this year’s GQ Men of the Year Awards in London last night, Sir Elton said: “This is a moment you thought you would never see.”

The pair hugged on stage, but the acerbic star couldn’t resist a final swipe, adding he had “written a grovelling apology and offered to join the Kabbalah”.

Enough with the Kabbalah. Jesus, these celebrities and their opressing us with their religious affiliations. Stop. No one cares! Elton bitched about Madonna in 2004 at an awards ceremony and said she could “f*ck off’ and said he didn’t care that he was off her Christmas card list. Does the Kabbalah endorse Christmas? Who wants your crappy red string bracelet anyway! I want a plasma TV!

(WENN)

(WENN)

Madonna seemed to keep running into snag after snag during the process of adopting her baby boy from Malawi, David Banda. However, it looks like she’s moving forward at this time, when a social worker was finally granted the go-ahead to stay with Madge and her brood in order to assess if David’s living environment with the family is a suitable one. People reports:

“There has been a change of mind by my government minister,” Penstone Kilembe, the director of Malawi’s Child Welfare Services, said. “I am expected to spend two weeks.”

The official word on the initial stumbling block during this assessment process is that it was simply a “misunderstanding” and that everyone has now worked it all out. Man, adoption sounds complicated. Knowing now how difficult of a process it is now, I think I’ll just go ahead and get fat with some kids of my own when the time comes.

(Splash)

The child welfare expert from the Malawi government, in charge of reviewing Madonna’s adoption of 23-month-old David Banda, has been taken off her case, amidst accusations that he’s allowed himself to become too personally involved. Penstone Kilembe was originally planning on making a trip to Britain to stay with the pop singer and her family for nearly a week, in order to monitor the progress of the adoption. However, Kilembe is now being accused of accepting money from the pop-star in order to travel to London, without first receiving the OK from the Malawi government. Kilembe, for his part, claims that he never asked Madonna to provide him with a plane ticket and believes the adoption will be come into jeopardy, should a different government representative be sent in his stead.

He claimed that the decision to exclude him from the final decision on whether or not Madonna is allowed to keep David may result in the child being sent back to Malawi.

“What this means is that the whole adoption process may crumble and David is sent back to his village,” he said.

This whole adoption has sounded suspect from the get-go. You just know Madonna is shaking her head and thinking, “I should have just gone with my gut from the beginning and bought the kid on eBay.”

Madonna’s relationship with ex-boyfriend, James Albright, is coming back to bite the pop-star in the well-toned rear end. Back in the 90s, when Madonna was carefree and taking nekkid, sexed-up photos like they were going out of style, she had no idea that years down the road, she would one day be awaiting a visit from the head of Malawi’s child welfare service and flipping out over the idea that the pictures would be possibly be going public. In addition to the pics, Madonna is also nervous about love notes written by her to Albright and that they could possibly be released to the public during the child services rep’s up to five day stay with her and her family in their home in London.

The head of Malawi’s child welfare service is about to spend a week with Madonna and her family in London to assess whether they are fit to adopt baby David Banda permanently.

The singer and her husband Guy Ritchie are said to be “dreading” the imminent visit by Penston Kilembe, who will spend up to five days at the family’s £6.5million Marylebone house as part of a “home study”.

I’m sorry, but this is just CLASSIC. It’s almost as if former Madonna was so damn mischievous that she was actually planning on screwing with her future self, as punishment for settling down. That woman is INGENIOUS, I tell you. Ingenious.

(Splash)

(WENN)

Well, I’m assuming she would, if enemies weren’t so high in calories. But she is very much the lioness when it comes to her kiddos. On the set of husband Guy Ritchie’s latest movie, “RocknRolla,” Madge overheard two members of the crew talking smack. When one asked the name of her son, the other answered with, “Lucky B******.” According a source that spoke to The Mirror, Madonna was quite taken aback by this.

“Madonna looked astonished by what was said and words were exchanged between them.

“Madge seemed very protective of her son and didn’t want anyone talking of him in such a manner.

“At the end of the day, she’s just a mum and doesn’t want anyone speaking ill of her family. She looked really hurt and shocked by the comment and let her feelings be made known.”

The snarky crew member was predictably fired from the film, but will most likely be more than able to find gainful employment in my line of work.

Madonna may be performing at the highly-promoted Live Earth concert in London’s Wembley stadium tomorrow evening, but it sounds like she might want to rearrange her stock portfolio, while she’s in the process of raising awareness about world pollution. The pop singer’s Ray of Light Foundation has invested in approximately $2.7 million into companies that have been named as some of world’s least environmentally-friendly, due to their status as being some of the world’s top corporate generators of pollution.

Look, I don’t know if I’m in a position to judge here. Personally, I’m not exactly where I have all of my millions invested, so maybe Madonna’s like me and has simply trusted her team of accountants to put her money where her mouth is. Like her, I’m too busy with my career, writing these here blog posts, to really focus on issues like that. But I do know that I’m doing my part every day when it comes to taking care of the environment. I drive a Toyota Corolla and I hunt people, not animals. Litterbugs and bad drivers, mostly.

(WENN)