Don’t they look almost…cute here? I think the red is working for them. I can’t believe I just said something positive about Twig Satan and her band geek. I need to stop sipping on the hooch when I’m blogging. Word is that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden AREN’T getting married anytime soon. In face, they supposedly don’t plan on getting married until his shitty band is done touring. Let’s face it - this chief is a sperm donor, plain and simple. She glided over the jail sentence and it was too late to have it scraped. So she’s stringing his ass along to see exactly how much money the band has made him, and then she’s going to text his ass a break-up. Happens all the time. I know I sound brutal, but this cheddarhead was driving the wrong way down the freeway doped out of her mind and did 82 minutes in jail despite a prior conviction. Screw her!

Despite reports that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are getting married October 13, a source tells Usmagazine.com that the couple is not planning on tying the knot until after their child is born this winter. In fact, the Good Charlotte frontman is going to be on tour when the alleged wedding was reported to be taking place. “It’s such a joke,” a Madden source tells Us. “We were all laughing about it. The tour is still on and they have no marriage plans yet.”

Indeed, wedding planner Lorraine Keseloff confirms that reports that she’s handling the Richie/Madden nuptials are totally inaccurate. In fact, she’s never even metthe parents-to-be! “I have no idea how this all got started,” Keseloff tells Usmagazine.com. “It’s been the most bizarre weekend. It’s all completely false.”

They neglected to include the part where Ms. Keseloff was like “I wouldn’t let that silly trash in the studio, are you crazy? I would like an exclusive clientele in the future, thanks. Maybe you’d like me to open a wedding planning business down at the trailer park? Perhaps I could get a standing invite to hold receptions at the Knights of Columbus in Kalamazoo? Perhaps we could hang some paper mache dolphins around the place and have a cold cut buffet for my next wedding. Huh? Dumbass!”

(Flynet)

Nicole Richie has embarked on the rest of her “punishment” for her DUI conviction. She already spent a grueling 82 minutes in jail. Now, she’s enrolled in an alcohol education course. Nicole’s odious and a demon in human form, but she does seem like she’ll actually watch her ass while she’s knocked up. She probably looks at Britney’s kids and thinks “now, I’m a bitch, but I’m not a crazy bitch, and those kids are going to end up becoming furries or take shoe bombs on airplanes cuz’ of her. I better get on the stick with this parenting thing”.

Papers filed with the Superior Court of California show that on Sept. 26 Richie signed up for a 18-month anti-drinking driver course, known as the SB 38 Alcohol Program. The program consists of 52 hours of group counseling, bi-weekly face-to-face interviews and 12 hours of alcohol education, according to the council. Participants are also encouraged to attend 12-step meetings.

This July 27, Richie was sentenced to four days in jail, fined $2,048 - and forced to sign up for the driving rehab course because she was previously convicted of DUI in June 2003.

Nicole obviously had been reading Madeleine L’engle because she somehow employed a tesseract or something to magically turn four days into a little over an hour. Burn that witch!

(Flynet)

Expectant parents, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, have returned from their Hawaiian vacation back to the throng of paparazzi waiting for them at home–not like they had much privacy out on the beach anyways, but still. And, come to think of it, I’m not exactly sure how “vacation” would be much different from “normal life” for someone like Nicole Richie, but maybe that’s because I have this weird thing called a “job.” But, it’s obvious that Halloween is near, with the two of them appearing to be dressed as Axl Rose and someone’s jazz-loving grandpa. Nice costumes, guys. Barely recognized ya.

(Flynet)

More photos of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden arriving at LAX are after the jump.

Looking healthier than she has in a long time, Nicole Richie still looks WAY too skinny in my opinion for a pregnant lady. Look at her arms, for goodness’ sake. And, as it turns out, she’s not the only one worried about whether or not her mothering skills will be up to par once the baby arrives. A source within Richie’s inner circle revealed as much to Star magazine:

“Her major concern is whether she can cope. Nicole has spent most of her life, since her early teens, partying, making big money in TV and being treated as a celebrity. Now she’s got to open up to the most important person in her life - her baby.”

The fact that she’s at least concerned makes me think that maybe there’s hope for her. You just know that delusional-ass Britney didn’t blink an eye before making two babies she’s clearly incapable of mothering properly. I have a sneaking suspicion that animatronic President Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents would be a better mother to those poor kids than Britney.

(Flynet)

I love the Sunset Strip Hey Now What’s That Sound Cher-era number Nicole Richie wears sometimes. I’m just waiting for the Manson Family to break into her house and chase her around whilst spraying blood on the fridge. Nicole Richie and her band douche are over the moon about the tiny malnourished baby growing inside of her.

They’re just absolutely over the moon about being parents. Joel comes home with something new he bought for the baby or the nursery every night. He says they both love talking to the baby, and they play music for it.

He still tells me that they are engaged (she is not wearing a ring in public though, just to keep away tabloid rumors about a wedding), and definitely plan to marry, but they’ve got no time frame for it. Definitely not before the birth, and they’re thinking it may be even up to a year or so after, depending on how everything goes. They really don’t discuss wedding plans that much. Nicole knows how much he loves her, and they’re in heaven with their current situation.

They still don’t know the sex, and Joel says they are pretty certain they’re not going to find out. Overall, I’ve never seen him so happy. I’ve known him since we were teens, and he’s just a completely different person now. Head over heels in love, and absolutely ecstatic over fatherhood

She ain’t marryin’ that. I feel it in my bones. He’s a sperm donor in a band with an expiration date, and might end up hosting “Extra” ala the Sugar Ray guy. Or if she does marry him, it’s gonna go down quick. Like a burning dirgible. Oh, the humanity!

(Flynet)

Real-life starlets, most of them famous for being famous, like young Ms. Richie here, are the inspiration for “Hollywood Brats,” a film chronicling the very public legal woes that plague the likes of such young celebrities as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, just to name a few. Executive producer of the movie, Joe Nasser, who performed the same job function on the Anna Nicole Smith biopic, talked with the L.A. Times about his upcoming project.

“It’s all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble,” Nasser said. “You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them go through trials and tribulations.”

Nasser’s not naming names, but it’s probably pretty easy to guess which young ladies are going to end up in the movie, based on their shenanigans. And back to Nicole and Joel here, they’re looking quite matchy these days. And as annoying as that looks, I think it bodes well for their relationship because couples that dress alike, tend to stay together. Are you looking for my relationship expert credentials? Well, you should stop because I have none. I make all of this up as I go along.

(Flynet)

More photos of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are after the jump.

J Mendel collection is the best so far for me. ’70s style maxi dresses were all red carpet ready. I loved the way the girls just floated down the catwalk in their luxe gowns.Mary J Blige, LeeAnn Rimes, Carrie Underwood and Jaime Lynn Siegler all attended this great show.Lots of leather belts were […]

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Nicole Richie wore this beautiful Collette Dinnigan lacy dress to the Andrea Lieberman Jewelry Collection Launch back in December last year.Charlize Theron wore a modified, shorter version of the same dress as she arrived to attend the “In The Valley Of Elah” Photocall today at the Venice Film Festival.Source & Sourceredcarpetfashionawards.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss

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The rest of us were neither surprised nor feeling that any of this was pleasant. Nicole Richie has been quoted as being “pleasantly surprised” by her lawyer at her eighty-two minute jail stay last week. I’m glad that she’s reigning in her emotions. It’s fairly obvious that she’s trying to appear pleased but avoiding cocky. And you know this was no surprise to her. If someone reduced my jail time to a little over an hour, I’d be more than “pleasantly surprised”. I’d be up there with “tearfully grateful”. Or “sobbing and licking people’s boots out of thanks” and “passing off my firstborn child”

“Nicole was aware that most people with sentences similar to hers are booked and released in a matter of hours and she was hoping to be treated like everyone else,” attorney Shawn Chapman Holley said in a statement. “Nevertheless, she was prepared to serve her entire four-day sentence had the Sheriff’s Department required her to do so.”

A spokesperson for the L.A. Sherriff’s department was quoted as say that she was released early due to “overcrowding”. Because she takes up so much space. Seriously, her baby is already attempting to crawl out of her in search of food and but apparently they were unable to fit her anywhere. Slide her into a desk drawer in the warden’s office!

(Flynet)

(WENN)

Paris Hilton was out shopping for baby clothes for fellow jailbird Nicole Richie’s impending bundle of dysfunction. You know this chick is PISSED that Nicole spent about 3.2 seconds in a cell and then skipped out. She’s going to buy Nicole baby clothes made out of acrylics so they burn faster!

Hilton headed to the hot Hollywood boutique Intuition, perused the baby section and walked out with a dozen bags of merchandise full of goodies for the baby Richie is expecting with Joel Madden.

“She was in the best mood,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She couldn’t wait to get to the baby department and look for things for Nicole?s baby. She said she was very happy for her.”

Hilton was an equal-opportunity shopper, choosing gifts in both pink and blue. Among the items she bought was a Tuni & G Baby set (pants and T-shirt) with the text “Don’t Ya Wish Your Mommy Was Hot Like Mine” with the pants bottom saying “Don’t Ya.” She also bought Baby?s First Fashion Words book, a Baby Jar Baby Snuggler Blanket and Trumpette socks.

That’s nice, encouraging the baby to recognize its mother’s sexuality and in turn hoping to encourage the baby to be as loose as possible when it grows up. These people have money, yet they insist on acting like trash. Howabout something with Winnie the Pooh on it? Or even that bitch Dora? This is all funny because these two chicks HATED each other awhile back then they realized they had to make nice for the cameras for their show’s last season. And now they continue the lie. Stop.

Paris and Her Little Dog Continue to Shop After the Jump