“Pssst, beat it, ya sour old bag!” Rosie O’Donnell’s new memoir, “Celebrity Detox”, is about to be released. In it, Rosie purportedly tells Babwa that that’s a wrap. She delves into the whole “View” mess, and thinks it’s time for Barbara to retire.

In her upcoming memoir, “Celebrity Detox”, which sheds light on, among other episodes in her life, the TV star’s tumultuous stint last season on The View, O’Donnell, 45, addresses Walters, 77, to say, “And Barbara. At some point, a person gets tired. It’s inevitable,” the New York Post reports.

“Barbara Walters is almost twice my age,” the book (which is to be published Oct. 9) is quoted as saying. “At some point it becomes necessary to step back. Everyone has to go. Going is part of the gig.”

Rosie writes that the differences between her and Babs are “obvious”. Well yeah, she’s a crone and you’re self-righteous with no “off” switch for the squawking. You seemed so nice on the cruise, shut up now! Rosie also relays a story in which an audience member at “The View” yelled out “I love you, Rosie!’ and Babs castigated the lady. She told her that it wasn’t fair that there were four women up there and she was only yelling to Rosie. Get over it, battleaxe! People loved your ass in your heyday, too! Stop the jealousy and knit a tea cozy! God, if Rosie’s book is written in that haiku form she uses on her website, I’m not going to be able to read it. I can’t even get through an E.E. Cummings poem and he had talent.

So Rosie and her woman were in South Beach. And some guy with a motorcyle gave them a heap of shit because he thought Rosie touched his bike. You know, blogging disaster happens when you meet a celeb and they’re wicked nice. Then you feel a sort of twinge of guilt when you write smack about them. Kinda like when Buffalo Bill refers to Catherine Martin as “it” when he has her in the hole. He has to depersonalize her ass so he can wear her tits later. So what I’ve learned from this is that bloggers operate much like serial killers. It’s been an eye opener! Anyway, Rosie got called a “fucking lesbian” by some douche. She wrote about it in that irritating verse way on her blog.

as i buckled my belt
he ran towards r car
angry
“MY MOTORCYCLE BLAH BLAH !!!”

“chill dude -
we didn’t touch it”
his eyes were wild
stretched open wide

he got madder
pupils big - snorting like a dragon
F*CKING LESBIANS
he screamed

the trump card
always

and we r supposed to cower
to fall 2 r knees ashamed
not good enough
unworthy

not tonight
mr bald muscle man
with a pimped out hog
not tonight

i stood up in the front seat
hands above my head
smiled and yelled
CORRECT SIR - F*CKING LESBIAN!!!

God, I wish she’d just write in the old-fashioned declarative sentence way. See, that’s the worst I can say about her. I’ve lost my f*cking sociopathic tendencies when it comes to this one. Because she had a do-rag on, and she was burly and nice, and took a picture with me. Worst blogger ever. I’m such a slut.

(WENN)

She may not have been able to snag “The Price is Right” hosting gig she had her eye on, but that doesn’t mean Rosie O’Donnell wants any hand-outs! Much less, those from her arch nemesis, Donald Trump. Mark Burnett’s people reportedly tried to entice Rosie to make a guest appearance on celebrity edition of “The Apprentice” by offering the former co-host of “The View” $2 million. But Rosie wouldn’t bite.

Her appearance “would have entailed 12 days altogether.” However, “O’Donnell turned Trump down flat. ‘I wouldn’t do it for $200 million,’ Rosie was said to have responded.”

She’s a busy woman as it is, people! Does the world think that these wacky, celebrity-based poems are going to write themselves? For the love of all that is holy, there are enemies to be squelched, Amy Winehouse songs to sing and headbands to be worn. The woman can barely squeeze in a cruise here and there.

In a recent blog entry, that I can only partially understand, per usual, Rosie O’Donnell mentions Paula Abdul on more than one occasion. And I can’t tell exactly if she’s sympathizing with her, or condemning her for enjoying (and publicly appearing to suffer) under the trappings of her celebrity lifestyle. She starts off by saying, “right now/paula abdul would yell action/and the result would be/what we all see.” She goes on to describe the “Hey Paula” star as “broken, fragile, pain filled, love less, raw, vulnerable, needy.” She tells the “American Idol” judge:

hey paula
we cringe
at r selves
thru u

And then she goes on to wax poetic about renting jet skis. I’m so confused. Maybe I should have paid better attention in my English classes in college. Or maybe not have gone at all.

(Flynet)

(WENN)

I’m REALLY hoping this is the cruise on which our super-secret correspondent J. Harvey is embedded. On board her cruise for gay and lesbian families set to head out from NYC to the Bahamas, Rosie shared her thoughts on her former co-host on “The View” Elisabeth Hasselbeck with her 1,500-strong audience. She brought out a picture of Hasselbeck with doodles drawn on it to make her look like the devil, pointed at it and declared emphatically, “Her only f–king credit was Survivor. Come on!” I love it! She didn’t have that much positive to say about her other former co-hosts, adding that when working with a group of women like that, “before you know it, you’ve got a Jimmy Choo in your back!” But Elisabeth wasn’t the only subject in between Rosie’s crosshairs. Donald Trump was also given his due, according to Us Weekly.

Recalls the witness, “Rosie said she’d love to break into his apartment and rub her belly all over him.”

And if she does, she needs to take a picture because moments like that NEED to be commemorated.

So Rosie went and posted a pic of her daughter Vivi on her blog. In this picture, the forlorn looking child is wearing a strap with real bullets on it. I’m not sure what Rosie’s going for here. But I’m going (it’s true) on this wack bitch’s cruise and if she blows up the boat while I’m having sex with an anonymous stranger or trying to get my drink on - I’m going to have to roll up on her. Here’s some samplins’ of what her usually loyal fans had to say:

neelie
That is a horrible picture of VIvi!!

KARLA
RO, I AGREE WITH U ON MOSTLY EVERYTHING. BUT SOMEHOW I FOUND THE PICTURE OF VIVI DISTURBING. I DON’T EVEN LET MY CHILDREN PLAY WITH ANYTHING SIMILAR TO THAT. IT’S JUST A COMMENT. BUT OH WELL!!!!!!

David
that picture is gross! I am distrubed…leaving your site for a clearing of my mind as to what you are up to!

Keep reading for more Rosie readers revolting. Yeah, I have the alliteration in me!

(WENN)

Yesterday, Rosie O’Donnell got her wish, when producers for “The Price Is Right” met with her to discuss the possibility of using O’Donnell as a replacement for the recently retired Bob Barker. But Rosie doesn’t seem to be too optimistic about her prospects at the moment, after enjoying what she described simply as “a nice lunch” with the producers. In a recent video post on her blog, she said:

“I don’t know if it’s gonna work out,” she told fans. “I just think it’s a part of American nostalgia, and it’s what America needs right now. It would be good for me, but I don’t know if it’s right for them.”

Word on the street (I love that expression) is that Drew Carey is the front runner for the game show host position and Rosie claims she harbors no ill will toward the fellow comedian, saying on her blog, “i love drew carey.” I’m still so confused that she wants it so badly. Personally, my dream job would be Vanna White’s. That woman has a sweet gig. She doesn’t even have to turn the letters these days. She just walks past and touches them and they magically appear. It’s a lazy woman’s dream job and I coincidentally happen to be a lazy woman. I’d petition to get her job now, except that it sounds like too much work, gathering signatures and whatnot. I think I’ll just take a nap and pray on it really hard.

Like REALLY wants it. The former co-host on “The View” already has the go-ahead from Bob Barker himself and also has a meeting with CBS this week to discuss the possibility of her stepping in to replace Barker as host of the popular game show. On her website, she wrote:

“If they asked me, I sure would … I LOVE THE PRICE IS RIGHT.”

I know I’m going to sound like a total communist when I tell you that I haven’t ever even seen an episode of the show and can’t remember if it’s the game show I’m thinking about where people show up in weird outfits. I have no idea. All I know is that “The Price Is Right” set is right around the corner from “The Tyra Banks Show” offices and based on the potential for some insane Rosie vs. Tyra mayhem, I really, REALLY want Rosie to land that gig. I can smell some awesome vogue-offs in their near future.

(WENN)

After leaving “The View,” Rosie O’Donnell has been staying busy as a special guest on Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors tour. This Sunday evening, she appeared on stage with the pop star, performing on the drums and then tossing her sticks into the audience. Before her performance, she talked about her highly publicized year on, and subsequent departure from “The View.”

(WENN)

“I got to tell you, I’ve been hanging around with those heteros for a full year and it’s not fun,” she said. “Turn around one minute and they’ll stab you in the back with a high heel. They will.”

That sounds very similar to one of my all-time favorite pop singles that I will never write, “Stiletto to the Heart.” Girl, please don’t front like queens don’t do the same damn thing. But I can see how all that squabbling got old. And now it seems that after spending her time as a co-host, it seems that Rosie might be looking for a less political hosting gig. She’s expressed an interest in taking over for the retired Bob Barker on his game show, “The Price is Right.” I think she’d probably do well. Until someone shows up and tells her the price is wrong. And then she is forced to beat them to death with koosh balls, which sounds like a rather fun way to die. Shoot, maybe I’ll do it.

I know that title made no sense, but I’m just trying to get into the poetic state of mind that has Rosie O’Donnell producing poems at about the same rate that I churn out bad jokes. O’Donnell recently penned a little something on her blog about her recent visit to the acupuncturist for treatment related to an 2001 staph infection in her left hand, but her poem indicates that she’s also still feeling wounded by the circumstances that lead to her abrupt departure from “The View.”

day two
and it is ok

i had acupuncture
she put some needles
thru the scar tissue on my left hand
lifting it up - from the locked layer beneath

stuck is how she described it

it hurt in a good way
one u can survive
as the promise of freedom
maybe movement
allows the ache
i breathe thru it
2 find
some open place inside
where there was none b4

Sylvia Plath over here is really quite prolific. For a final sing-song quote from Rosie, follow the jump…