Seriously, Scientology has a stance on just about everything. Actually, this first part isn’t Scientology-related. It’s about how a crew member passed gas during a moment of silence on the set of “Valkyrie” that was being taken before filming began. Tom Cruise felt that the act was disrespectful because the moment was intended to pay deference to the anti-Hitler soldiers portrayed in the film, according to source from the set, who dished to Britain’s Daily Star:

“Quite rightly, Tom is furious. We were filming at the Bendler Block in Germany where the anti-Nazis were executed.”

OK, I totally think that Tom was right to be pissed, since apparently, the moment of silence was being done to placate the German government, which has already been iffy on letting filming take place in Germany to begin with. But I love the fact that when they finally do fire the guy (you know it was a guy) who did it, he’ll have a great story to explain how he left his last job. But on to more interesting fare–alien bunkers. Reportedly, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are investing in millions of dollars to fortify their home in Colorado in case of alien attack. A tipster inside the Cruise inner circle has said that it will be a “self-contained underground system where up to 10 people can survive for years.” That’s so ridiculous because clearly, the zombies will have taken over the planet long before the aliens show up to anally probe us all. And to think that my science teachers thought I wasn’t paying attention…

Having had experienced a slew of bureaucratic hurdles during preparations to get to film in Germany for his movie, “Valkyrie,” Tom Cruise was excited when he and his production company were finally given the go ahead and started filming two days ago. And, this is random, but I love how suspect Tom Cruise looks in the back of the limo. It’s like Katie’s looking over and saying, through gritted teeth, “Zip up your pants, please.” I kid! But seriously, he’s kind of creepy to me. Tom was very happy that such progress had made on his pet project, and took time out to pay deference to the war heroes he’s portraying in the movie.

Indeed Cruise and his crew observed a minute of silence in memory of the fighters for liberty at the Historic Bendlerblock in Berlin.

Cruise declared that he was “touched” to be at the site, which today is used by the defence ministry and is a national shrine, the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung reported.

And on an unrelated note, I had the weirdest hair over the weekend and was shocked to find that I was actually sporting Hitler bangs by accident at one point. Not a great look on a girl, FYI.

(WENN)

More photos of TomKat in Germany after the jump.

(WENN)

And you thought there couldn’t be anything worse than a being a closet case cult member who worships volcanoes and aliens. Tom spoke about his new film. He’s playing Colonel Claus Graf Schenk von Stauffenberg, who was a German colonel who tried to off Hitler and is a national hero in Germany. Germany wasn’t pleased with this. If you’ll recall, they initially didn’t want his ass in their county because he’s in a dangerous mind-controlling cult. And then when they were allowed to film, 11 workers were injured in a set accident. Xenu isn’t his co-pilot on this one.

“All I can say is, ‘Save your comments until you see the movie,’ ” Cruise, 49, tells the German weekly, Bunte, regarding the German politicians and media who have attacked his religious beliefs and his decision to play one of Germany’s greatest heroes in his new movie Valkyrie.

“I want to think positive and concentrate on the film,” the actor says in the magazine. “I carry a great responsibility to the Germans, for whom a man like [Colonel Claus Graf Schenk von] Stauffenberg means so much.”

Well, they’ve had enough to deal with concerning their own national history and stuff without your gay ass bringing flying saucers and mind control and espionage tactics into their fair land. They’d like to keep it simple, thanks. Take your damn personality reader out of here!

This isn’t shocking. Tom and Katie are reported to have separate bedrooms. Of course, they do! Katie has to plug her server in at night in a vast mechanical womb ever since Tom had her mechanized. And Tom needs to have room for his oil and body butter orgy with several starving actors he’s enslaved. Note I said “actors”. Then he reads them for thetans. Everyone benefits.

“At first, it was because Katie was Catholic and single, and they were only dating. It was the proper thing to do. Now that they are married, they don’t feel the need to alter the arrangement. Tom has his master bedroom, and Katie has hers.”

They’re moving into a new 35 million mansion this summer. Where things will stay the same. Does anyone want to adopt Suri with me? Seriously, that’s a cold, wacky household to grow up in.

More of the Cruise Family Berlin Trip After the Jump

In Berlin, on the set of the film where Tom Cruise is filming his latest project, “Valkyrie,” eleven extras fell out of a truck while the cameras were rolling and went to the hospital to be treated for injuries related to the fall. And, contrary to the misleading tone of this headline, Tom Cruise was not present on the set at the time off the accident. From Yahoo! News:

Police said in a statement that a bolt on a side panel of the truck apparently came loose as the vehicle turned.

The accident happened during filming of scenes around the Finance Ministry in Berlin, which was once the Nazis’ aviation ministry.

Every one of the eleven extras have been released from the hospital after receiving attention for their injuries, except for one last man. I remember working as an extra briefly when I moved out here to Los Angeles and was arrested on “The Shield” twice. Although I was never injured, I’m starting to think that perhaps I was the victim of racial profiling.

More Photos From the Set of “Valkyrie” After the Jump

I literally was biting into my sandwich when I just now read that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are planning on doing a nude photo shoot to sexy up their image. Apparently, the Beckham’s recent photo shoot for W magazine has the Scientology power couple envious and eager to portray themselves in a similar fashion. The only rule the couple have is that their photo spread be even more risque than that of Posh and Becks.

“They are already planning the various photos,” says a source close to the pair. “Tom and Katie want to pose together in the shower, dripping wet and covered by nothing but steam.”

Now, I’m just as big a pervert as the next guy, but I don’t think they understand what their photo-shoot would be missing that made the Beckham’s spread so sexually appealing, namely David Beckham.

(WENN)

Which is a fabulous idea, seeing as how Tom’s done such a great job of maintaining the image of a cool, calm and NOT crazy individual. Space ships! Lasers! Thetans! I love this woman! But seriously, Tom’s honestly been lending his experience as a high-profile celebrity in the United States to his new buddy, David Beckham.

“He’s got a squeaky Cockney accent normally and he talked into his chest. While wife Victoria could turn on the charm, David always looked uncomfortable with that side of fame and preferred to do his talking on the pitch. But Tom’s being drumming into him that Americans expect their stars to be able to be all-singing , all-dancing .”

Tom’s also got David doing the whole big throwing out his arms thing to big crowds. OMG, David is so going to join Tom’s cult. These are all tests to see if David will listen to Tom’s instructions. The minute we see David jumping up onto Oprah’s lap (a couch would be too predictable, guys) and declaring his love for his wife, Victoria, is the day that the aliens get purged from the Earth and we can all roam free amongst the gummy bear rain forest, finally able to live in harmony amongst the Care Bears and mystical dragons.

(WENN)

More photos of TomKat after the jump.

Blackmailer to the stars, David Hans Schmidt, also widely known as the “Sultan of Sleaze,” has been arrested this week in regards to the role he played during an alleged attempt at extorting Tom Cruise. Schmidt is reported to have contacted Cruise, offering him the opportunity to purchase private photos of his wedding to Katie Holmes, which were originally stolen from the actor, hoping to earn over one million dollars for the pictures. The Smoking Gun reports:

Schmidt was arraigned yesterday on the felony charge and bond was set at $100,000. In an e-mail, Thom Mrozek, a U.S. Attorney’s spokesman, said that Schmidt was arrested pursuant to a criminal complaint that remains sealed, “so I cannot comment about the case.”

What an idiot. I mean, I get the attempt to blackmail celebs with threatening to make their sex-tapes public because clearly, there is a possibility that they’d want to pay the money to keep it secret. But, to try and do the same thing with wedding pictures is just stupid. Was Schmidt going to threaten to publish the pictures? Big deal. It’s a wedding. Granted, it is a space wedding from Mars, but at the end of the day, I get the feeling this guy’s not dealing with a full deck.

Gotta love it when the goofy white people dance. I seriously can’t imagine anything that might look more ridiculous than Katie Holmes trying to grind up on her considerably shorter hubby, Tom Cruise…unless it would be them doing it with rainbow clown wigs on their heads. Yes, that might be slightly more goofy. The celebrity power couple decided to get footloose at the “Welcome to America” shindig that Hollywood threw for Victoria and David Beckham. Everybody was enjoying themselves on the dance floor, with Jim Carrey pretending to spank girlfriend, Jenny McCarthy and Will Smith doing the splits. However, it was Tom Cruise who stole the show, with his solo performance.

But, as Us Weekly reports in its new issue, the real showstopper came when the DJ played “Old Time Rock & Roll,” prompting Cruise to re-enact his famous scene from Risky Business. At one point, he got on his back and kicked his legs in the air, just like in the movie!

I’m so used to seeing the younguns dancing in Hyde on table-tops, pantiless and wasted, that I have a feeling that I would have felt like I was watching my parents dancing at a wedding reception if I had been there.

Every A-list slut and your mother are invited to this do. Invites went out on red velvet with gold lettering. Which I’m sure is ironic and meant to spoof America’s tacky celebrity excesses. But still - ugh. I’m sure Tar-jhay has something nicer Katie could have picked up. Tom Cruise’s bash for the Beckhams is taking place on Sunday night and my ass wasn’t invited. Don’t they know who I am? Jerks.

Two of Hollywood’s biggest stars — Tom Cruise and Will Smith — are hosting a private, welcome-to-L.A. bash for the Beckhams at the Museum of Contemporary Art’s Geffen Contemporary in downtown Los Angeles.

The 600-person, invitation-only list includes Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney, Jim Carrey, Anjelica Huston, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen, producers Jerry Bruckheimer and Brian Grazer, Warner Bros. President Alan Horn and Universal Pictures chief Ron Meyer. Not invited inside: the paparazzi that have followed the Beckhams’ every move here.

“This is the hardest party to get into,” said one person with knowledge of the affair, “It’s A-list only. And, no press.”

Anjelica f*cking Huston’s tired ass was invited and I wasn’t? Jim Carrey and his Yanni hair were invited and my inbox remains empty of Evites?!?! Screw them! Oprah can blow me! And don’t worry, we’ll at least have pics of people arriving.

(Splash)