David Hasselhoff's one regret from the infamous drunken mess video he made was not using proper cutlery to try and consume that burger . Everything else was ok? A friend of his reports that he's pretty much the mess you think he is.

David Hasselhoff wishes he'd done some things differently during that videotaped drunken burger-chomping episode. "I just wish I'd used a knife and fork to eat that [bleep] burger," the star said. That, according to Brit journalist Piers Morgan, a self-described "good friend" of Hasselhoff who worked with him on "America's Got Talent."

According to Morgan, the former "Baywatch" star engages in "endless self-aggrandizing" and yet is "an insecure man who just wants to be loved."

"I sit next to him in the makeup trailer, and he is bordering on the obsessive about his personal appearance," Morgan wrote in a tell-all about his buddy in the London Mail.

While he says that Hasselhoff can be charming and kind, Morgan claims he's also insecure about his status since his star has fallen from his glory days. "His ego is massive, there's no other word for it," according to Morgan. "Barely a day's filming goes by when he doesn't allude to 'Baywatch' and 'Knight Rider' being 'the biggest TV shows ever' or to the 'nine million albums I've sold in Germany."

Yeah, some "buddy" this dude is. Because who doesn't love when your pals run to the papers and report on what a neurotic f*ckup you are. It's absolutely chilling though how The Hoff is every showbiz downfall cliche ever. His choices now? Overdosing at a chintzy casino in Florida or getting cast as the dad on a show on Nickelodeon. Choose life, Hoff!

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