Happy Almost Cinco de Mayo! For those of you in AA, enjoy your Sprite and chips while the rest of us get shit-faced and make a lot of bad decisions this weekend. I'm just kidding! You go on with your recovering selves. I'm just a little giddy cause the sun is shining and the weekend approacheth.

And with that, I'd like to introduce you to a little treat we like to refer to as the "Friday Five." Here are some stand-outs from J. Harvey's performances on ASL this past week. To be enjoyed with a margarita.

1. Bad Talent Show - The scene J. evokes is straight out of a "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion"-type film that I would gladly pay $12 to see in the theater.

2. Paris Might Be Giving Up Oral For Extra Blankets And Soap - It's all in the title my friends. That, and the sentence, "Maybe some hard ghetto broad will punch her in the head and unwonk her eye for her."

3. Roseanne Wants The Job - Yes, J. I also would like to see Courtney Love hosting "The View."

4. Angelina Bounces Booty While Brad Babysits - I want to be described like a "thunderhead" and "wild mustang" in the way that J. describes Angie, whilst she taunts her former lover, Olivier Martinez with her sassy, MILTF-y ways.

5. Brad and Pax Disembark - J. takes a couple fuzzy, indistinct photos of Brad Pitt and Pax and weaves a bittersweet tale of suspicion, heartbreak and pain, whereas I simply would have made a fart joke.

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