Since J. was gone last week, I’m a bit overwhelmed with utter happiness that he’s finally returned. So much so, that I might actually get a little too excited and blow my wad, while picking out the Friday Five. I don’t know that I can really dedicate the time and effort needed for a good, in-depth analysis of what he’s written over this past week. I’m just glad he’s back! He’s funny and it’s less work for me! I’m lazy! Yay! For serious, it’s nice when Mama and Daddy are getting along, huh?

1. Lohan’s Post-Rehab Vegas Visit May Have Shut Down Film - J. Harvey Fontaine Beauchamp Hebb finally writes about Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol-intake-monitoring bracelet thing in a way I can understand. Apparently, it can also be used to conjure up the dead.

2. Britney’s Shooting A New Video - Oh lord. You had to know just by reading the title, this was going to be good. Oh no, it’s not a punny little creation, it’s just that the idea that Britney Spears is attempting to film a music video, while still in the midst of going crazy is so golden, you don’t even need comedy to sell it.

3. Cisco Adler Has A Gift - You would think that Cisco Adler’s description of himself as a guy who is inexplicably able to, “write dope songs and [bleep] hot bitches,” would be enough to stand on its own. Until J. introduces us to the Weedmobile, that is.

4. Nick Lachey Experiences Technical Difficulties - J.’s description of Nick’s facial expression in the illicit pictures in question is priceless. What’s not priceless is when you realize that you’ve seen that face before facing you. And you know it’s just not going to happen. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

5. Britney’s Handling Everything - And of course, I love that Britney Spears has become synonymous for us with fried foods.

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