Calm down, Gis. Sources say that things aren’t all European vacations and limo cuddling with Gisele Bundchen and her guy, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Go Pats! Sorry, I’m in Boston, I have to do that. Anyway, Tom’s ex Bridget Moynihan is set to spread her legs and give Tom’s spawn to the world any day now. Gisele is allegedly unhappy about this. What’s she gonna do? Stuff it back in? Is she crazy? She needs to eat something. She’s delirious. Have a cupcake.

While the two have put up a happy front for the cameras - and his family is even said to be flying out to Italy to spend time at the villa in Rome she recently acquired - our spies say Bundchen is upset that Brady’s ex, Bridget Moynahan, is due to give birth to Brady’s son on Friday - Bundchen’s birthday. The tension has grown so intense that the couple fought openly in front of hotel guests in Napa while staying at the five-star Auberge du Soleil.

God forbid you might have to share your boyfriend WITH HIS CHILD. Selfish model. “Tom, thees babee haz spit upon me once more. Thees dress is John Galliano! I keel baby!” Just because he has that annoying “visitation rights” thing doesn’t mean you have to share in it. Just book a shoot whenever he has to see the little bastard. Wow, hire me out as a life coach.

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