(WENN)

This could only happen to Britney. This could actually help her win back the world to her side. As Kabbalah-following celebs like Madge, her beatdown husband, and Demi and Ashton hit Tel Aviv to ring in the Jewish New Year, a Palestinian terrorist leader has threatened to axe Madonna and Britney’s heads from their bodies. Jesus Christ! Gays unite! Protect our icons! Honestly, though, I think being headless wouldn’t faze Brit that much. It couldn’t make her any dumber.

Muhammad Abdel-Al, spokesperson and senior leader of Palestinian terror group the Popular Resistance Committees, warns the two pop superstars face death unless they change their evil ways, which includes acting like “prostitutes” to sell records.

In a new book, “Schmoozing with Terrorists: From Hollywood to the Holy Land Jihadists Reveal their Global Plans - to a Jew!” (fascinating), Abdel-Al rages: “If I meet these whores I will have the honour - I repeat, I will have the honour - to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam.”

Yeesh. His organization is reportedly responsible for several rocket attacks and bombings. What’s with the militant Islamic people judging everyone else and cutting off people’s heads and flying planes into buildings? Why you gotta be like that? Assholes. Can’t just go to the mosque and get on your prayer rug like the normal Islamic people and mind your damn business without killing several thousand people and threatening our pop stars? Fascist dickheads. Honestly, I’d like to see you take down Madge. Britney would be like “are you my new assistants” but Madge would use her inhuman old lady yoga skills or talk in that faux-British accent and annoy you so much that you’d put away your machetes and flee. Bring it!

(Splash/WENN)

More photos of the gang in Tel Aviv are after the jump.

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