Helen Mirren is denying reports that she told the Queen of England she was too busy to chow down with her. As stated in the headline, who gives a shit? Helen's one of the finest actresses of our time and the Queen is some old slag in a pillbox hat. See how I worked the British slang in there? See how I denigrated the Queen? Never mind the bollocks, wanker!

'I AM mortified!" says Oscar winner Dame Helen Mirren about reports - in the New York Times and else where - stating that she was "too busy" to have dinner at the invitation of Queen Elizabeth II.

Helen tells me she tried desperately to rearrange the shooting schedule for the movie "National Treasure," but the company was in South Dakota filming on location. "I just could not shut all that down to take three days off to go to Buckingham Palace."

Helen, honey, no worries. You could do a commercial for Dentu-grip and we'd be spellbound. You're hot as hell and need not apologize to that old wench you made look good. Sorta. I should probably see the flick, huh?

(WENN)

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