I almost feel bad for him. Almost. Joe Francis has expressed to prison shrinks that he is so freaked out by his prison stay that he's thinking of cashing in his chips. And he ain't in a casino. He also says that he's not a "criminal", but uh, once you get convicted of something illegal, you kinda are - right?

"Girls Gone Wild" boss Joe Francis has been having such a rough time in a Florida jail that he recently told a psychiatrist that suicide was a possibility if his imprisonment was prolonged. The porn impresario, who this week finishes a 45-day sentence for criminal contempt, also told Dr. Ronald Markman that he was being housed with "all murderers" in his section of the Bay County lockup. "I started freaking out and screaming, I couldn't breathe," said Francis. "I don't think I can handle this on a long-term thing--I'm not a criminal." Markman, hired by Francis's defense team, interviewed the 34-year-old late last month and drafted the below report, which was filed Friday in U.S. District Court in Nevada. Markman concluded that while Francis was "clinically stable," he demonstrated "significant psychiatric issues" for which he has shunned treatment due to embarrassment. The psychiatric report was included in a defense filing seeking to have Francis expeditiously transferred from the Florida jail to Reno, Nevada, where he is to soon be arraigned on a federal indictment charging him with tax evasion. While Francis petitioned to be allowed to travel from Florida to Nevada via commercial airliner, that request was rejected last week by a federal magistrate judge. Instead, Francis, who usually travels via Lear jet, will fly cross-country on "ConAir", the no-frills (and often circuitous) prisoner transport service operated by the U.S. Marshals Service.

That's a long way from his "Girls Gone Wild" date rape jet. I will say I can sorta see his wanting to end it all. I mean, I'm into dudes and all. Just not when they have a sharpened toothbrush to my throat as they are stuffing me like a Christmas turkey sans lube. Yeah, no thanks.

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