Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

What a crazy week! Big things on the horizon that we can’t speak about yet. But be assured, Lisa Timmons is your touchstone for what’s going on out there in the big, crazy world of gossip blogging. We spoke today, and when I asked her how she stays so beautifully slim and elegant, she explained that it’s all the marathons she runs. She said that she should just probably take up coke to stay thin like everyone else does in L.A. But she wouldn’t because Lisa is about as far away from a coked-out socialite as I am from a Marine. I would like to be near a Marine, though. Ok, it’s Friday and I think I’m delusional. I’m heading off to Rosie O’Donnell’s big gay cruise next week, so wish me bon voyage and no pirates or rogue waves to tip the boat over! Onto Lisa’s top five:

1. FX’s “Damages” - Lisa is bringing in the serious showbiz superpower with an exclusive first look at Glenn Close’s new show on FX. It looks hot. Stick with us for even more behind the scenes on this piece. Look, we’re growing up and getting relevant! Awww….

2. The Hoff’s Ex Is Crazy - I have no idea why it did so much, but this sentence of Lisa’s cracked me up -

Heck, I refuse to engage in a video chat, if I haven’t at least had a chance to wash my hair and smear some kind of beauty juice on my haggard visage.

She’s in no way haggard, but why does “beauty juice” crack me up? Do they sell that, Lisa? Where can I buy that?

3. Al Gore’s Son Busted -

He was pulled over by an Orange County sheriff’s deputy after being clocked speeding at 100 miles per hour early in the morning. I didn’t even know that a Prius could go that fast without exploding, so I must grudgingly admit that I’m actually somewhat impressed in a perverse way.

I know, right? That’s the most impressive thing about that whole incident! Priuses can go 100 mph? DAMN! Environmentally conscious and ass-kicking. Lisa and I need matching ones.

4. Bai Ling Tricks Some Fool Into Marrying Her? - HAH! That’s my favorite headline of the week. Seriously, she’s kazoo. Have you seen her dance? Make way, she’ll flick out an elbow and bust ya lip.

5. Madonna Has Some Splaining To Do - In this piece about Madonna unwittingly investing in corporations that murdering the planet, Lisa reveals that she hunts people not animals. Which makes her a girl after my own heart. If we weren’t stuck here posting everyday, it would be Mickey and Mallory all the live long day!

Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

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