Splish splash! Is anyone else feeling this? Pierce us with those sexy ocean eyes! Look at that diving pic. How does he look perfectly relaxed and sexy as he dives in? When other people dive, there’s a closing of the eyes and cheeks all puffed from getting ready to go under. But Milo’s all sexy in any direction. How does he do that? And thank god the damn floppy bangs are no more. Seriously, I was waiting for an episode of “Heroes” in which he started sucking on them like a tweenage girl. Oh, right. Uh, Milo Ventiglimia directed a series of commercials for American Eagle that are disguised as sit-com episodes. Wow, there goes my erection.

“It’s A Mall World” is a series of heavily camouflaged commercials that play out as roughly three- and four-minute sitcom episodes about attractive young men and women working at a mall. Not only does this “advertainment” run as one of the breaks in MTV’s weekly “Real World: Sydney” program, it also has the ultra-cool cachet of being directed by Milo Ventimiglia, the actor who plays Peter Petrelli on NBC’s breakout hit “Heroes.”

I guess you gotta start somewhere. Why does American Eagle have to put that damn bird on everything! They get respect for not pumping Kristine W. and disguising their gay club as a clothing store and displaying kiddie porn like the other place they’re copying. But damn, enough with the bird! “Advertainment” is insidious. If I see those Geico cavemen in their TV series on my screen V, I’m going to dropkick the high def.

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