Jiblets
• Salma Hayek remains fashionable despite having a raging case of “bowling ball stomach.” Related: Hayek’s future offspring already struggling with childhood obesity.
• Paula Abdul: “I haven’t had one ounce of work done, contrary to what every plastic surgeon may believe.”
• Al Gore continues to blame all world’s problems on gossip. Related: We caused global warming, social security debacle and tensions with Iran!
• Britney Spears admits she “hit rock bottom,” then steals our punchline by admitting she was “like a bad kid running around with ADD.”
• Check it out, our gay younger brother Queerty got a brand new makeover! (And take our word for it—he totallyIMAGE needed the manscaping).
• Paris Hilton’s nemesis, Shanna Moakler, has only well-wishes for her sometimes adversary. Kidding! Moakler is way too bitchy for that.