• Only days after turning to the Bible for comfort, Paris Hilton does what any other future jailbird would do: she consoles herself with Happy Feet. Related: Rich heiresses shop at Blockbuster; eschew pricey Netflicks membership fee.

• Anna Nicole Smith’s 40-something ugly duckling of a sister vows to keep the Smith tradition of giant fake boobies alive.

• George Clooney selflessly agrees to make out with a beautiful, impeccably dressed woman. For charity’s sake!

• The Hills‘ Heidi Montag to marry some Pratt.

• Emma Thompson pisses off Waverly Inn devotees (and Scientologist Will Smith) by lighting up a ciggy at the center table.

• Remember Ari Emanuel (the real-life super agent/schmuck who inspired Ari Gold’s character on Entourage)? Apparently, he’s mellowed out somewhat, “since America found out he’s a douche.”

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