Paris is set to star in a musical in London in which she’ll play a chick in prison who hooks with another gal. The show is based on a popular Australian soap opera called “Prisoner: Cell Block H”. The only way this can be any good is if she gets a broomstick attack in the laundry room. Can they craft a song about that?

Paris, who is said to have been keen to tread the boards in the West End for some time, is to star as an inmate in the production set in a women-only prison.

It is believed her character will be involved in a lesbian romp.

The source added: “Paris is keen to stretch herself as an actress so she’s happy to kiss another girl for the audience and actually thinks it’ll be fun to play a lesbian. She’ll also get to stretch her vocal chords and she loves that.”

We know what she’ll be stretching in London, and it ain’t her vocal chords. I’d rather watch “Cats”. I’d rather hold cats and rub them on my face. And I’m highly allergic. Seriously, actual London actors and singers should go on strike. I’d much rather watch a musical version of Paris being led away screaming and crying by the police in more of a docudrama musical. Do they make those?

More photos of a partying Paris are after the jump.

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