This isn’t shocking. Tom and Katie are reported to have separate bedrooms. Of course, they do! Katie has to plug her server in at night in a vast mechanical womb ever since Tom had her mechanized. And Tom needs to have room for his oil and body butter orgy with several starving actors he’s enslaved. Note I said “actors”. Then he reads them for thetans. Everyone benefits.

“At first, it was because Katie was Catholic and single, and they were only dating. It was the proper thing to do. Now that they are married, they don’t feel the need to alter the arrangement. Tom has his master bedroom, and Katie has hers.”

They’re moving into a new 35 million mansion this summer. Where things will stay the same. Does anyone want to adopt Suri with me? Seriously, that’s a cold, wacky household to grow up in.

More of the Cruise Family Berlin Trip After the Jump

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